It's been another weird week in retail.
Nordstrom started selling Marie Antoinette-inspired sock loafers, Victoria's Secret reminded everyone that not even angels are perfect and H&M's fashion failures are being burned at the stake... for fuel.
This, and more, in this week's Retail Therapy.
If the people have no bread, let them buy these shoes
Despite the fact that the product looks like it was made from your mom's Mary Janes and your 12-year-old cousin's socks, Nordstrom claims you'll feel just like a modern Marie Antoinette — and they've got the price tag to prove it. Originally priced at $1,400, the shoes are now on sale for a precise $839.98, because spending that much on shoes you could probably construct at the Goodwill is exactly what defines members of the modern aristocracy.
According to Nordstrom's product description, the shoe was, "Inspired by the idea of what Marie Antoinette might wear in 2017, a cutout loafer in glossy patent leather is inset with a quirky striped sport-sock shaft embroidered with flowers, giving it a striking, avant-garde look."
It could be that the department store retailer is right, but the last time someone tried to modernize Marie Antoinette, it ended in a highly-controversial debate over how well "I want candy" was suited to her personality.
Oh well. If people are tired of the bread-and-butter of the shoe industry, let them eat cake.
Victoria's Secret brings angels down to our level
The term "fallen angel" may have been intended for Lucifer, but when a Victoria's Secret 'angel' trips on her flowing white cape as she struts down the runway, there aren't many alternatives that strike quite so powerful a chord.
Ming Xi, a Chinese model in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, was the unfortunate victim of a pair of gladiator high heels that couldn't quite grip the ground Tuesday night, according to USA Today, and caused her to stumble almost as much as Victoria's Secret's sales this year. Except unlike Victoria's Secret, Ming actually recovered.
With a firm smile and a helping hand, Ming climbed back up that stairway to heaven and continued her runway walk. Where is she now? Likely still there, soaring on the wings of all the Twitter support she received.
After all, nothing brings people together quite like someone else's misfortune. And God knows, even angels fall.
when the Victoria secret fashion show is being held in your home town and you fall on the runway and they don’t bother to edit the part of you crying backstage out...bruh— Erjay Luza (@ERJAYY_) November 29, 2017
If you're having a bad day just be thankful you didn't fall during the Victoria secret fashion show.. but like it's ok I feel u girl— Keely Spiess (@KeelySpiess) November 29, 2017
Ming Xi you are a champ. This is coming from a girl who trips over her own feet twice a day. In sneakers.— Who What Wear (@WhoWhatWear) November 29, 2017
Bad H&M designs get burned… literally
They say one man's rags are another man's riches, but what they don't tell you is that some rags are another man's fuel.
In a surprising turn of events, a Swedish power plant is actually burning discarded clothing from H&M instead of fossil fuels, Bloomberg reports, showing everyone that there really is more to fast fashion than teen angst and low price tags.
"For us it's a burnable material," Jens Neren, head of fuel supplies at the power plant, told Bloomberg. "Our goal is to use only renewable and recycled fuels."
We're not sure whether we should be applauding the environmentalist effort or decrying H&M's poor design choices, but either way, the retailer clearly needs to update their slogan: what's having the best fashion and quality compared to having the best burnable materials?
Asos sends modest fashion into hiding
In what must be a throwback to the days of Asos' plumber butt jeans, or the fateful skirt-jean combo, the retailer released a mini skirt that seems more likely to be found in the lingerie section than on the denim rack, the Sun reports.
Featuring a "low-rise waist," a "pin-buckle fastening" and a "slim fit" (which Asos has kindly defined as "cut close to the body" for anyone who was confused by the terminology and couldn't figure the rest out from the model), the skirt could really only hide less if it followed the chest-baring example of Asos' mesh T-shirt for men.
Maybe less is more in some cases, but when it comes to this mini skirt, we really just need more — more coverage, more material, more anything.