It's been another weird week in retail. Monoprix proved that free grocery delivery is the solution to listening to bad music, a Walmart shopper took customer service into his own hands and Auntie Anne's threw some salt into the fashion market.
This, and more, in this week's retail therapy
Monoprix is here — through the good songs and the bad
Geico and Budweiser have taught us that humor in advertising goes a long way in making marketing campaigns more tolerable, but for reasons that probably have nothing to do with work-life balance (*cough*) the only retailers catching on are located outside of the United States.
In a move not quite as bold as Ikea's peeing pregnancy test ad, nor quite as satisfying as the grocer's last jab at Amazon Go, French chain Monoprix released a video advertisement centered entirely around the trials of listening to bad music. We've all been there: Spotify misreads our tastes and gives us Jack Johnson instead of Jack White. After a brief moment of bemused disappointment, we skip the song and all is right again.
Monoprix's ad operates in a world where our overstuffed, grocery bag-laden hands leave us tragically devoid of this fallback, abandoning us to the mercy of whatever song crops up next. As it turns out, the ad is for grocery delivery because — barring inconvenience — listening to a bad Backstreet Boys cover is the worst form of torture the grocery chain could think of.
Hard to say whether this says more about how inconvenient carrying groceries is or how bad the music industry has gotten.
Walmart customer calls for help… over the intercom
In fact, the retail chain fell so woefully short last week that a customer picked up the store's intercom and actually called in his own request for help, WYMT reports. In the words of the truly desperate, Forrest Hunter announced to the Walmart at large: "Customer needs assistance in sporting goods please… I'm the customer."
"I'm the customer."— Katie Solove (@KatieSolove) April 25, 2018
VIRAL: A Kentucky man is going viral on Facebook after posting this video requesting assistance in a Lawrenceburg Walmart
Would you consider jumping on the intercom?? pic.twitter.com/OvkMpX3lrM
When he's not throwing shade at Walmart over the intercom, Hunter is doing it on Facebook, where he posted the video with another well-placed jab at the retailer, captioning the video: "When you get sick of waiting on somebody at Walmart."
At this point we feel almost obligated to ask: "Why is it always Walmart?" It's a question that answers itself when we remember that this is the same retailer that thought throwing lame holiday parties was the answer to driving store traffic. 'Nuff said.
I did that once!!! It’s amazing how fast I got managers and floor workers to help us! #walmartsucks— Josh (@MrJHanna) April 26, 2018
You have to love the people in Walmart. I swear...I can grab a beer and people watch all day! ????????— David (@DavidWarren25) April 26, 2018
Auntie Anne's twists fashion into a pretzel
Just when we thought the "fast food as fashion" trend was overdone, Auntie Anne's has breathed new life into it with a pretzel-themed clothing line that, among other things, proves that the fast food fashion trend is overdone.
According to Eater, the aptly named "For the Love of Pretzels" line features T-shirts, sweatshirts, hoodies, bags, mugs, etc. all covered in — wait for it — pretzels! Not to knock pretzels in any way (and in fact they might be more worthy of idolatry than tacos or fried chicken), but covering 10 different pieces of merchandise in the same "Pretzel Pug Yoga" design doesn't count as innovative.
We'd argue that the whole idea of a fast food clothing line is, in fact, much less innovative than Yandy.com's recent royal wedding-inspired lingerie line. The question does beg to be asked, though: How many food-themed clothing lines have to be released before consumers just get tired of paying to be free advertising for a restaurant chain?
We may never know, but it's nothing to get all tied up about.
Dad shoes sneak back
We've tried hard to forget about Balenciaga's $795 dad sneakers, but the dad-inspired shoe-wear trends just keep on coming.
The offender this time is none other than Adidas — yes, the same Adidas that keeps getting credit for knocking Nike down a peg — with the release of what Footwear News calls "the hottest dad shoe of the summer." Despite looking horrendously like your grandfather's favorite shoes to wear to the country club, the "Yung 1" line might actually be more tolerable than Joe Jonas' recent shoe release.
the new adidas yung 1 s are horrible wow????????— Sona.Tanda (@asiphesona) April 26, 2018
Cop, they’ll allow me to keep my Avias DS pic.twitter.com/piXDIpael8— jawnny appleseed (@bizurk32) April 20, 2018
His K-Swiss shoe collection, reported by Teen Vogue, includes a shoe designed by the tween heartthrob himself, which has an unintentionally creepy message on the sole ("Come Find Me"). And while his brother might be the cooler sibling now thanks to "Jealous," we will always remember Joe as the Disney Channel star of "Camp Rock" fame.
Hey, even if the shoe isn't a success, Joe Jonas is proof that life really does get better after high school.