It’s been another weird week in retail.
Balenciaga is selling high-fashion shoes that look like they’ve spent years buried in a dirty garage, Betsey Johnson has a handbag to match the pumpkin spice latte craze and Apple’s bid for "face data" has pushed some consumers too far.
This, and more, in this week’s Retail Therapy.
Like father, like Balenciaga
Remember New Balance 608’s? If you think back to days shoe shopping with dear old dad, you may recall that this classic look is pretty reasonably priced. Practical dads everywhere can pick up a pair at L.L. Bean for $69.95 or J.C. Penney for an even cheaper $54.99. Yet, the look has earned a bad reputation, which leaves cool dads at a loss. Where do they go for high fashion without sacrificing comfort?
Balenciaga, that's where.
For a mere $795, shoe shoppers can step into the new Triple S Sneakers, reports Teen Vogue. On sale Sept. 21, the new style looks like a pair of dirty sneakers left out in the rain met up with platform flip-flops of the 90’s for a one-night stand and ended up with an unfortunate legacy. We’re not sure if this makes it better or worse than the camel-toed shoes selling for $985 that seized the internet a few weeks ago.
It remains to be seen if the style will be a hit, but if anyone could successfully make dad fashion look cool, it’s the brand that turned Ikea’s Frakta bag into a fashion statement, along with numerous other shopping bags, and retailed them for over $1,000 each. And don't forget — those bags actually sold.
The new footwear creates more questions than it answers. For instance, if these are not-your-father’s sneakers, then whose are they?
these raggedy £600 #Balenciaga Triple S trainers smell like Eau de rich folk nonsense pic.twitter.com/kAmzo4EG0e
— Danyèle S (@dannyaimee) September 10, 2017
Screw #balenciaga, buy these puppies for $900! pic.twitter.com/erLdV6hU4j
— Peter T. (@s01une) September 12, 2017
To be honest the #Balenciaga trainer is exactly what I expected 2017 to throw up
— Maria (@mariadawnjames) September 11, 2017
Pair the new #Balenciaga Triple S's with some tapered, acid-wash mom-jeans, and an XL tie dye shirt to get the perfect "1990's PTA mom" look pic.twitter.com/8uS6YPWs92
— Benjamin Regier (@bennnners) September 11, 2017
Don’t put all your pumpkin spice lattes in one handbag
Fall is a time for hay rides, corn mazes, leaf-raking — and of course pumpkin spice lattes. What better way to express the love you hold for your favorite hot, spicy beverage than by accessorizing with it?
In a move this week with every basic white girl in mind, Betsey Johnson created a handbag that takes the shape and size of a pumpkin spice latte, Teen Vogue reports. Disappointingly, the "Kitsch Pumpkin Spice Crossbody," aside from letting you "take your love of the pumpkin spice latte to the next level," doesn’t actually do anything to increase your consumption of pumpkin spice lattes.
While the price tag isn’t as high as it likely would be if Balenciaga made it, it’s still a $78 investment, which — let’s face it — could get you 18 pumpkin spice lattes instead (that’s after the price increase that sparked a fiery Twitter roast of the coffee chain). It also has the unfortunate trait of being shaped… like a beverage, which sounds cute until you have to actually use it to hold objects.
I guess this handbag isn’t the best thing since a pumpkin spice latte after all.
@Starbucks couldn't wait to tell us about PLS today. A heads up about the PRICE INCREASE would have been nice #broke #needabiggerallowance
— Karen Ross (@jazzeekay5) September 5, 2017
@amazon pls buy @Starbucks to reduce prices
— Cortney Merrigan (@CortneyMerrigan) September 8, 2017
Apple brings people face-to-face with tech concerns
In the latest edition of "technology that’s moving too fast for the public’s comfort zone," Apple this week unveiled the highly-anticipated iPhone X and with it — a Face ID technology that has people reaching for the closest copy of Minority Report for comfort.
Touch technology might be taking off, but according to the Apple users of the internet, there’s a big difference between needing your fingerprint to pay for things — and needing your face. After Apple debuted the technology (which apparently didn’t work on first try), Twitter users sprinted to their keyboards to voice their opinions on the forward-faceing technology, according to Mashable.
Comments ranged from Game of Thrones references to face-stealing concerns, but mainly it was just a lot of hate for Apple’s new tech. It turns out people really don’t like having to be reassured that their "face data" is protected.
Still weirded out? Just nestle down with a Philip K. Dick book and reassure yourself that at least we’re not there yet.
"Hold on, I need to make eye contact with my phone until it decides to acknowledge me."
— Maggie Mason (@Maggie) September 12, 2017
Trying to unlock your friend's iPhone X with Face ID #AppleEvent pic.twitter.com/dJdaV8GawC
— Dailybreak (@takeaDailybreak) September 12, 2017
Actual shot of where Apple stores our Face Data #AppleEvent #iPhoneX pic.twitter.com/lrssa5e0gG
— RICKY (@_RickyMinaj) September 12, 2017
"The teams worked hard to protect your face data." Wow, love to be alive in 2017.
— austin walker (@austin_walker) September 12, 2017
Gucci pounces on spendthrifts
While not quite as life-changing as Gucci’s $1,190 "Ilse Sock Sandal," which has probably been haunting small children’s dreams for weeks, the luxury retailer has a new product for those determined to pay more than necessary for average items.
The "Web wool hat with panther" — which is exactly what it sounds like — is now selling online for $370.
What else can you expect from this knit hat with a panther printed on it? That’s just it: the only thing it offers is "blue, red and white wool" and an "embroidered panther appliqué." The product description does tell us, though, that "the panther joins the Gucci animal world as one of the brand’s icons."
As every good Gucci fan knows, quality life decisions are remembered long after the price you pay for them is forgotten.
