It’s been another weird week in retail. And yes, denim is still terrible.
Shopbop started selling a pair of “High Waist Double Jeans,” with not one — but two — waistbands, KFC crafted fried-chicken couture and Balenciaga riffed off it's Ikea look-alike success with the launch of another designer shopping bag.
This, and more, in this week’s Retail Therapy
High-waisted jeans do double duty
In case you thought denim couldn’t get much worse this year after Nordstrom's $425 mud jeans and Levi's $1,261 "bare-butt" jeans, look no further than Shopbop, the Amazon-owned designer e-commerce marketplace.
Just two months ago the pure-play site made a name for itself with the launch of its horrifying $445 “2 Jeans Dress.” And as it turns out, the company has a knack for making denim designs even uglier — and more overpriced.
In Shopbop’s most recent foray into denim products that can’t possibly succeed, the site started selling Natasha Zinko’s “High Waist Double Jeans,” which retail for an astounding $695. But don’t go running too fast: they’re now 60% off, so you can get these seven-pocket wonders for a mere $278. Or, for the same price you could buy two Certified Refurbished Amazon Echo’s — your choice.
A warning to all those thinking of passing on the double denim trend: according to the description you’ll miss out on a “modern high-low profile.” We're not sure exactly what that means, but what says modern more than contrasting side stripes in a lighter shade of denim?
The next time you’re suiting up to impress a client or a date, hoist up your double-waistband jeans and complete the look with a fancy handbag and a pair of heels. Just don’t forget to secure all buttons, zippers and extra pockets when you leave the bathroom.
KFC’s new merch is finger lickin’ good
In its latest bizarre marketing ploy, Kentucky Fried Chicken has opened an online merchandise shop “to fill the void in fried chicken couture marketplace." Finally someone sees the worthwhile market opportunity.
As children we might have been told to keep our food off of our clothes, but at KFC drumstick socks and chicken zinger patches reign supreme.
The merchandise isn’t gender-exclusive either. For all the ladies looking to broadcast their love of KFC, the line has a “‘Finger Lickin’ Good’ gold-plated necklace” selling for $12 that lets you “proudly proclaim your embrace of the fried chicken lifestyle,” dispelling any haters who thought KFC couldn’t be the next lifestyle brand.
If you missed out on the Cheeto’s holiday collection this Christmas, with its “Eye of the Cheetah” diamond set, don’t worry, there’s still an opportunity to dish out $20,000 for food-themed paraphernalia.
For an item bound to send all other space-themed burgers into outer orbit, one lucky fan can buy a one-of-a-kind $20,000 zinger-shaped meteorite to help commemorate “sandwich space travel history.”
I’m sorry, Colonel Sanders. I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Mind the Gap in these 90s playlists
In times of trouble, we often turn to the past to guide us. Nowhere does this statement ring truer than for a Texas man with one mission: to recreate every Gap in-store playlist from 1992 to 2006.
Whether it stemmed from disillusionment with the modern music scene, or just an appreciation for five-member boy bands, this former Gap employee has spent years collecting songs from the playlists of his past and he needs your help, AV Club reported this week.
From "Here Comes the Hotstepper" by Ini Kamoze to "Hot, Hot, Hot" by Buster Poindexter and "Hey Now (Girls Just Wanna Have Fun)" by Cindi Lauper, the playlists capture just about every mood of the 90s And yes — Madonna, the Beastie Boys, R.E.M., and the Spice Girls made at least one playlist each.
“My main goal with this site is to be able to hopefully reach out to others who have also saved the Gap In-Store Playlists from 1992 to 2006 and that they will share them with me,” according to the original post, published in 2015.
The fact that this blog post still exists suggests there has not been much success. Gap employees of the 90s, your time is now: grab a flashlight, head to wherever you hid your embarrassing 90s collection and pull out your brightly-colored leggings, oversized sweaters and most importantly — Gap playlists.
Help this man relive the 90s and make #backstreetsback a reality.
The shopping bag: high fashion’s next icon
Balenciaga must have loved all the attention it got from its Ikea high-fashion Frakta bag because — you guessed it — they’ve released another designer handbag that looks deceptively like a shopping bag.
This time around the French fashion house is keeping things closer to home. Instead of ripping off another retailer’s reusable bag, they’re selling a high-fashion version of their own free bag… for 1,595€ (roughly $1,819). Only this one is of course made out of 100% calf-skin leather.
The idea of creating high-fashion out of free shopping bags might seem unprofitable, but Balenciaga has managed to make a business model out of it. The company must know something the rest of us don’t because the last time they pulled this move, a mere month ago, they sold out of a white shopping bag that was on the market for $1,100.
Somebody tell Kroger to up the prices on its plastic shopping bags — they’re clearly not getting enough for them.
Balenciaga's $1,100 shopping bag is already sold out pic.twitter.com/QIhs2zs23P— TBlake (@therealtblake) June 21, 2017
This one is thick paper but at least it was free pic.twitter.com/PGHtlPRiEF— Kyle Janko (@Kyle_Janko) June 21, 2017