It's been another weird week in retail. The Walmart yodeling kid had his very own concert (in a Walmart parking lot), an Urban Outfitters shopper ordered a coat and received way more than she bargained for, and Tiger Woods' last Masters-winning golf ball just sold for more than KFC's chicken zinger meteorite.
This, and more, in this week's retail therapy.
Give Walmart a yodeler and you shall receive a concert
When you sing your lungs out in the aisles of a Walmart, you get what you yodeled for. And in this case, that means a larger stage to yodel on.
Yes, Mason Ramsey, or as we've come to call him — the Boy who Yodeled — had an entire concert thrown for him by the only retail giant that could conceivably become a mecca for yodeling shoppers: Walmart.
According to Time, the country sensation (who, mind you, is a child) walked out to "a cheering crowd" this week, and also managed to secure a spot at the Grand Ole Opry, throwing salt in the wound of every hard working musician that is currently paying top dollar for rent in New York City and clinging to Frank Sinatra lyrics for the hope that they, too, will "make it there."
And perhaps some day they will. But for now, we are living in the time of Mason Ramsey — and it kind of wants to make us yodel.
me when im at walmart and hear the yodeling boy start singing from the other side of the store pic.twitter.com/GGMagGEFlF— april (@aprillambcrt) April 2, 2018
Urban Outfitters blows up the jacket market
Life is full of disappointments — like not getting into the college of your dreams, having a child whose greatest accomplishment is yodeling at a Walmart or, worst of all, ordering a coat and receiving a wearable version of a blow up mattress.
That is, more or less, what happened to an Urban Outfitters shopper who thought, perhaps foolishly, that the product she ordered would actually resemble the photo online (something online daters have been trying to fight for years). According to Cosmopolitan, our unfortunate shopper ordered a medium, but received what looks more like an accessory for a WWE inflatable doll.
Sure, not everything is going to fit perfectly, but shoppers deserve to have at least as much honesty in their clothing sizes as Moody's has about the number of defaults retail's going to face this year. Which is to say: blunt honesty.
But let's cut Urban Outfitters from slack — they've got enough problems on their own without us throwing oversized jackets into the mix.
Mans not hot. pic.twitter.com/QOd9nq9IXR— Adz (@Adz10Zak) April 10, 2018
You look great pic.twitter.com/ztyrQi8ee5— Last Pirate in LA (@BonnielynnMarie) April 10, 2018
Tiger Woods' golf ball costs more than your last car
As usual, if you're looking to blow half your salary on a material object, we've found a way for you to do it.
Or, in this case, GreenJacketAuctions.com did. Per a Forbes article, one lucky golf fan spent $30,326 to own the golf ball that Tiger Woods won the 2005 Masters with (in other words, the last Masters where Woods was still relevant).
Perhaps more disappointing than the fact that a golf fanatic turned a free souvenir into a $30,000 capitalist opportunity is the fact that someone bought it from him for that much. Let's take stock here: That golf ball cost more than Cheetos' "eye of the cheetah" gem, Tiffany's silver ball of yarn and a pair of Balenciaga's most offensive shoes put together.
That's a lot of cash to pay for a green that hasn't been quite as verdant for the past decade. But hey — Tiger Woods is, still, one of golf's grrrrrrreats.
I would pay to get hit by Tiger Woods’s golf ball— Henry (@HenrySanson7) March 15, 2018
Seeing Tiger Woods hit his golf ball into the air and whisper “please”— Sam the Rapper (@SlayinSam) April 5, 2018
Is probably the most relatable thing ever #masters2018
Nike brings sneaker fashion back to the 90s
We could have written about a lot of things that tied for last place this week — say, for example, the "denim knicker" — but much like Lindsay Lohan fans, we didn't want to let the 90s go.
Thus, we come to Nike's "What the 90s" line of sneakers, reported by Sole Collector. Set to debut in fall, the collection of shoes comes in a combination of vibrant pink, purple, turquoise and an unfortunately macaroni-like orange that looks like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air meets Hey Arnold's hair.
We can only imagine this line was created because 90s kids are finally becoming parents and by God, if they had to deal with bad fashion statements, then their kids will too. It's a sentiment we can all sympathize with.
But don't bring back the mood rings and the bleached hair, please. Just don't do it.
Nike taking one of my favorite shoes and just running it into the ground ????— Moe (@Savory_kickz702) April 11, 2018
I know I won’t be able to cop these but I’m thinking of selling my soul for the orange ones— the golden god (@sauce_night) April 11, 2018