It's been another weird week in retail. REI and Warby Parker pulled cringe-worthy April Fools' Day jokes, Dunkin Donuts released donut-themed shoes for un-inspired runners and Uniqlo released a T-shirt line based purely on the best ramen around.
This, and more, in this week's retail therapy.
REI, Warby Parker play the fool
April Fools' Day is the one time of the year retailers feel the right to be "clever" in a painstakingly Dad joke kind of way and then pretend they've had a sense of humor all along. This year was no different.
Either because they're masochists or because they thought the jokes were actually funny, Cnet compiled a detailed list of retailers' pranks that stretches longer than the Nile River and is just as prone to dampening our spirits.
Nevertheless, we can't ignore April Fools' Day anymore than we can ignore the number of bankruptcies retail has managed to rack up, so without further ado, we turn our weary eyes to Warby Parker's joint prank with Arby's (creatively named WArby's), which gave birth to the Onion Ring Monocle and a collection of clothes we never need to see again. Worst of all, it suggested we put fried food somewhere other than our mouths, which we just don't see eye-to-fry on.
For an #AprilFools gag to work, the stunt has to be plausible. My only thought when I read the #Warbys release was that I must have gotten the date wrong b/c this is a terrible joke from @WarbyParker & @Arbys Agree with @Eater. This one is half-baked: https://t.co/wEfVwyz892 pic.twitter.com/E2GEQNqVhj— Modern Fellows (@modernfellows) March 31, 2018
Early prototype? pic.twitter.com/ktbzt4PSbZ— Arby's (@Arbys) March 27, 2018
REI's ZipAll, on the other hand, was subjectively the funniest prank to grace the internet this April.
The suit, advertised as the "last piece of gear you may ever need," zips off just about everywhere imaginable and looks like it belongs in the closet of the National Commissioner for the Boy Scouts of America. Say what you will about the ZipAll, but you can't say it wasn't made with convenience in mind, especially considering the well-placed Velcro flap, so that "when nature calls, you can quickly take care of it."
Tell the boy scouts that being prepared is outdated. Being totally unzippable … now that's something worth selling popcorn on a street corner for.
America runs (marathons) on Dunkin
We grew up being told not to take things too literally — e.g. not pulling out crayons to "draw the curtains" — but boy the shoe's on the other foot now because Dunkin Donuts released running shoes and now America really does run on Dunkin.
Yes, according to a company blog post, the donut-designed trainers became available April 3 and yes, they're already sold out. The irony of running in shoes with donuts on them has evidently been gleefully accepted by both shoppers who plan to work out in the shoes and shoppers who plan to flaunt how little they want to work out in them.
When the saucony dunkin donuts shoes sell out in 10 seconds and you don't get to run on dunkin pic.twitter.com/AGJUgntBc5— Lindsey Wilcox (@lindseywilcox14) April 4, 2018
I've never needed anything as much as I need these dunkin' donuts running shoes pic.twitter.com/82iftpH0WT— TQ (@hellotaraquinn) March 31, 2018
Still, the quirky appeal of the Saucony X Dunkin' Kinvara 9's, plus the fact that they're pretty reasonably-priced for running shoes ($110), puts them a good five steps above the Opening Ceremony Birkenstock's, which look deceptively like a bottle of glitter glue ran into the treasure-hoarding crab from Moana.
We're always willing to review bad shoes, just please, donut ask us to buy them.
I just saw birkenstocks now have sparkly glitter shoes & I’ve never looked forward to going broke until now— Kenz (@kenzziiiiiie) April 3, 2018
Ramen T-shirts for the teenage soul
In a move that targets every young adult with an electric kettle, Uniqlo released a ramen-inspired collection that lets shoppers wear their favorite ramen shop on their sleeve.
According to Eater, the T-shirt line is based off of six popular Japanese ramen shops, and they each feature slogans, store names and artsy pictures of noodles. In support of the avid ramen fanbase, the T-shirts are blessedly cheap ($14.90 each) because everyone knows a true ramen fan would much rather spend that hard-earned cash on one of Costco's 48-packs.
If you can't have your ramen T-shirt and eat it too, what's really the point?
This Uniqlo Ramen Shop collab is one of the greatest things to happen in 2018.— soundcloud pineapple (@IanZPaik) March 24, 2018
Child yodels his heart out at a Walmart
Sometimes, when the appropriate occasion arises (National Anthem performance, impromptu musical number), singers just have to belt it out, or — if you're a Walmart customer — yodel it out.
That's just what happened for lucky Walmart shoppers in Harrisburg, Illinois, when a 10 year-old boy (Mason Ramsey, according to Time) broke out the cowboy boots, a red necktie and the most lonesome yodeling we've ever heard and turned a store of strangers into country yodel fanatics.
The internet was also a fan.
does anyone know which day the walmart yodeler is opening at coachella— Alex Marchionda (@amarchi13) April 1, 2018
i....cant stop thinking of this child walmart yodeler. why in walmart? does he take voice lessons? does he always wear cowboy boots? why is he singing about having a sugar daddy?— ???? (@sierra_phan) April 1, 2018
what if my future child turns out to be like the walmart yodeler then what— meg (@Meg_Brower) April 1, 2018