It’s been another weird week in retail.
From one-pieces plastered with everything from avocados to Guy Fieri's face, swimsuit season has gotten out of control. Meanwhile this week, Birkenstock started selling luxury sandals for $800 and Reebok got political on social media.
This, and more, in this week’s Retail Therapy.
Third time is way off the charm with these swimsuits
If summers are all about trying new things, then this year’s swimsuit lineup alone should give shoppers a chance to step out of their Target-shaped box. As if the pizza-kini debacle and those Sunny Co Instagram posts weren’t enough, the internet gods have seen fit to send us three new designs that will make you reconsider whether you’ve ever done poolside fashion right.
Topping the list is a Guy Fieri one-piece suit that burns just a little too brightly. The swimsuit, according to Allure, was for sale on the website Beloved for $50, allowing fans of the Diners, Drive-In’s and Dives star to turn their body into a double-sided photograph of Guy Fieri’s face without breaking the bank. The suit comes complete with Fieri’s signature flaming sunglasses and a very intentionally-placed goatee.
For those who aren’t the flashy type, American AF’s got you covered with a one-piece that lets you make a political statement while you swim. The “MAGA Swimsuit,” initially reported by Teen Vogue, allows female Trump supporters to “celebrate the new path this great nation is on since the election of Trump” by paying $39.95 to be a walking campaign slogan.
Instagrammers all over the nation have leapt at the chance to sport their swimsuits and their political opinions at the same time.
Last, but certainly not least, is another gem from Beloved’s treasure-trove of eyebrow-raising bathing suits. In a move not nearly as hair-raising as Guy Fieri’s face and perhaps less controversial than Donald Trump’s campaign, heart-conscious bathing suit shoppers can purchase an avocado bathing suit for $49.95, according to metro. After the success of KFC’s couture clothing line and Cheeto's snack-concealing apparel, the food-themed clothing market seems to be booming.
For better or for worse, the time of the beach bod is over — and the time of the graphic one-piece has begun.
Bringing home the Birkenstocks
In what feels like the latest addition of commonplace items that retail for way beyond their value, Birkenstock this week began selling a designer version of its staple Arizona shoe for a whopping $799 (roughly eight times the cost of their average shoe), Quartz reports.
The “Arizona Exquisite” sandals come with buckles in the shape of either anchors or sailor’s knots, both handcrafted “in solid 925 sterling silver.” If nothing else convinces you that these shoes are worth the steep price tag, just remember that to afford Balenciaga’s designer Ikea shopping bag, you’d need to shell out at least another $1,300.
To add to the nautical majesty of these glorified crocs, Birkenstock says the style has been “recreated in the finest imbued and oiled natural leather” so that wherever you are — be it sailing, gardening or shopping for other overpriced commodities — the scent of privilege will be right there with you.
Unlike Crocs, though, Birkenstock isn’t asking its customers to “come as you are” — they really only want you to come if you can afford these shoes.
Reebok dishes out insults… with a side of political commentary
In a playful jab at President Donald Trump, Reebok tweeted out a company-made poster delivering its own judgment on the president’s controversial comments toward Brigitte Macron, in which he told the French president's wife she was "in such good shape — beautiful," Bloomberg reports.
Decorated with helpful arrows and rhetorical questions, Reebok’s “when-to” guide points every mirth-seeking customer to the same conclusion: the only time it’s okay to say “You’re in such good shape… beautiful” is if you’ve just found “a forgotten action figure from your youth, unscathed after decades, in your parents’ basement.”
The poster garnered widespread support from some, who praised the retailer for taking a political stance and making light of the president’s remarks, but others suggested Reebok should stick to its athletics agenda. Whether good or bad, the chart certainly got consumer attention.
Reebok’s apparel might cost you some cash, but the public shaming is free.
In case you were wondering when it IS appropriate to say, "You're in such good shape...beautiful,"... THIS: pic.twitter.com/Z1cnnRD8Ut— Reebok (@Reebok) July 14, 2017
You just won a customer. I will be looking for Reebok brand from now on. Stand with truth and facts.— Edip Yüksel (@edipyuksel) July 17, 2017
You should stick with selling shoes and stay out of politics, just lost a customer.#MAGA— Pam (@pmseever) July 15, 2017
Land of the free, home of the Walmart
Everybody feels patriotic sometimes: on the Fourth of July, at a president’s inauguration, at a fireworks display. But if you’re James Fruits, you feel patriotic at Walmart too.
The 40 year-old Cleveland native was caught walking down an American flag aisle in a Missouri Walmart singing the national anthem and, rather than being silenced, he was called to the front of the store to belt out his patriotism through the intercom, abc news reports.
The fruits of his labor? A $10 Walmart giftcard, a Walmart cape and of course — the admiration of Missouri’s most loyal Walmart customers. Not bad bounty for a man who bared his patriotic soul over a loudspeaker.
And how can we blame him? Those always low prices really are inspiring.