It's been another weird week in retail.
Nike released a shoe line that is only 90% finished, fashion luxury player Celine produced a $590 plastic bag and Balenciaga continued its crusade to sell everyday items for hundreds of dollars.
This, and more, in this week's retail therapy.
Nike's new sneaks 90/10 hit the mark
They say we make our own demons. Nowhere is that more true than in fashion, where any self-respecting member of society can look back at his or her past choices and think with deep regret that they really should not have worn those platform crocs to that pool party.
In a move that seems to encourage users to make their own bad designs Nike released a collection of shoes that are 90% done and 10% your own adventure, Teen Vogue reports. The creatively-named "90/10" line lets buyers choose from a variety of shoe designs (from disappointingly Earth-bound moon boots to honeycomb-inspired sneakers) that look like they came out of a quarantined hospital wing.
Users can then inflict their own creative genius on the shoes, for an effect not dissimilar to sending a crayon-holding kindergartener into a white-walled play room. And yet, despite the copious possibilities for disaster, we can safely say that, however horrendous the design, Nike's 90/10 shoes will be way more acceptable to wear in public than Christopher Kane's bedazzled, spring-boosted sneaks, first reported by Vogue.
Worn properly, these shoes literally put a spring in your step — which just goes to show that not every idiom should have a real-world correlate.
I used the SF AF-1 Hi from the Nike 90/10 collection as a canvas for a design of my own creation ???????????? The surface was super fun and easy to paint on, thanks so much #nike for the new kicks!???????????? #airforceones #nike #illustration #basketball #art https://t.co/XSyCCaDKCD Kri… pic.twitter.com/2sY8TYC01B— iNSPIRE (@ifckrcom) February 11, 2018
Nike dropping a lot of fire lol. Those 90/10 forces swoooo— Rich Rozay (@finance_rich) February 12, 2018
Life is $590 plastic
In some states, retailers charge a fee of a few cents for every plastic bag a customer uses, but at luxury clothing brand Celine customers choose to spend $590 on a branded plastic bag, Hypebae reports.
To be honest, the whole "let's charge hundreds of dollars for a shopping bag" routine is getting a bit stale. Balenciaga has really owned the space, from its Ikea-inspired $2,000 tote to its $1,800 glorified shopping bag back in July. The only remaining question is: how many overpriced plastic bags does it take for the market to collapse?
We'll find out at the end of May, when the Celine x Nordstrom pop-up in Seattle is slated to close. But based on how long the bad denim trend has lasted, it will likely take more than three overpriced plastic bags for consumers to realize their money is being poured down the metaphorical drain.
Rumors that big-time grocery players Kroger and Walmart will soon enter the high-fashion plastic bag market are so far unconfirmed.
The last plastic bag I had hanging around in the car served a travel-sick 6 year old very well. Imagine shouting "not in the Celine, darling!"— ShoniZS (@ShoniZs) February 20, 2018
céline is selling a plastic bag for $590....it's totally going to sell, but why have we come to this— ali ♚ (@queenalicat_) February 20, 2018
Celine's plastic bag from SS18 retailing at $1200 is how extra I wanna be when I grow up pic.twitter.com/WRpOEdV5AF— gine (@RegineTok) January 23, 2018
Balenciaga for president
Is it still a weird week in retail if Balenciaga manages to make the list multiple times a month? We think so — if not because the products are still weird then because Balenciaga manages to produce them in so many different categories.
Whereas in the past we've seen hundred-dollar scrunchies and the horrendously dad-like Triple S Sneakers, this week Balenciaga gave us two more offerings to bemoan. Going a step beyond Celine's plastic shopping bag, Balenciaga has taken the traditional drawstring bag and turned it into a $1,095 leather luxury commodity, Hypebae reports.
After all, who doesn't leave the gym with their dirty sneakers and sweaty T-shirts stuffed into a bag that costs more than Apple's new iPhone? But that's not all — according to Hypebae, shoppers can also now buy a $350 blue baseball cap that makes it look like they're voting to elect Balenciaga to the White House, just in case we want to make it more acceptable for luxury brands to charge high prices for an underwhelming product line.
At least the luxury brand will have a headstart on campaign merchandise for 2020, and with a strong campaign slogan, how can they go wrong? Long live capitalism!
Asos buckles down on denim
Just when we thought consumers had tired of making poor fashion choices, Asos came out with a bad pair of jeans and we were thrust violently back into reality.
This time, it's the "whitby low rise skinny jeans with buckles" that have us wanting to crawl back under the covers and pretend the fashion world doesn't exist. First reported by the Mirror, the jeans are $64 of awful, with 10 unnecessary buckles free of charge.
While the product description boldly asserts that "more is more," we'll take this moment to disagree with that and suggest that fewer buckles would definitely make this pair of jeans appear less like the remnants of a prison break and more like an acceptable fashion statement.
At the least, anyone buying these jeans will (hopefully) be instructed to "buckle up" every time they wear them in public, creating enough embarrassment to avoid future iterations of the product.