It's been another weird week in retail.
Balenciaga released an overpriced bracelet that doubles as a scrunchie, Pabst Blue Ribbon created the perfect winter jacket for every beer-loving boarder and dogs' coats are now nicer, and more expensive, than human ones.
This, and more, in this week's Retail Therapy.
Balenciaga tosses a scrunchie into the fashion ring
There's a good and a bad side to everything. For example, the 80s brought us leggings and Duran Duran, but they also brought leg warmers, fingerless gloves and other more difficult to explain fashion choices — like neon scrunchies.
But as Dead or Alive taught us, fashion trends spin right round, and the scrunchie is making a comeback through none other than luxury brand and this week's winner of "I can sell anything at a $200 markup" — Balenciaga. The brand is now selling a "Chouchou bracelet," described as a "soft lambskin hair scrunchies bracelet" for $195, the Independent reports.
The glorified hair tie comes in "jaune soleil" and "rose magenta," because apparently "yellow" and "purple" don't quite capture it. But the fact that a scrunchie is parading as a bracelet is actually just a distraction from the real problem, which is that a hair tie is parading as a high-end luxury product, proving to 80s fans everywhere that we really can put a price on nostalgia.
It's a move we've seen before from the likes of Tiffany and Prada, but we'd recommend waiting to spend that $200 until a luxury product comes along that can hold your whole life together, not just your hair.
PBR plays it close to the chest
In an ideal world, we'd all be surrounded by the things we love. Toys R Us would be crowded with children that actually wanted to buy toys, Sears would have money that wasn't being passed through Eddie Lampert's IV and beer lovers would have a coat filled with their favorite cans.
While we can't make Toys R Us or Sears more appealing to customers, PBR has fulfilled every frat boy's dream and released a winter jacket that conceals up to 12 beers, delish reports. The "686 Men's Sixer Insulated Jacket," which retails for $250, is equipped with a bottle opener, "insulated cooler front pockets for beverage storage" and "back inner pockets for beverage storage."
If the purpose of the jacket wasn't already clear, "Pabst Blue Ribbon" is also imprinted on the "silicone palm grip" and all over the inner lining of the jacket, so whenever someone cracks open a cold one they can remember who they owe it to. But any snowboard enthusiasts thinking of shelling out the cash will have to take it up with the fratstars who cleaned out the inventory because the jacket is currently out of stock ... in every size.
Still, $250 for a functioning winter jacket that also happens to hold beer starts to sound like money well spent when it's compared to a leather hair tie.
just found a ski jacket that can hold 12 tall cans and is also a collab with pbr... i need it— Eric (@allustiarti) December 28, 2017
Barking up the wrong tree
Whoever said diamonds were a girl's best friend clearly hadn't heard of Temellini Milano, which created an entire line of luxury coats and sweaters for a girl's real best friend … her dogs.
Dog-a-Porter is a Milan fashion line offering custom-made clothes for dogs, USA Today reports, which range from cashmere sweaters to bomber jackets. What's truly remarkable about the line, apart from the $300 price tags, is the number of dogs that are modeling products better than Nordstrom's clear jeans' model.
With a robotic cat already in existence, and custom-made furniture for our feline friends in the works, it was only a matter of time before dogs got in on the action. Then again, the dog modeling track isn't exactly new — "pet influencers" have been a trend since the summer, dealing a blow to any celebrity influencers who thought they had finally become more popular than a lovable ball of fur.
Harry Potter brings magic to Starbucks
J.K. Rowling could never have known the impact her books would have on the coffee industry. Yet here we are: Starbucks has officially started selling Harry Potter-themed drinks — but only if customers can recite the recipe from a "secret menu" online, abc reports.
Muggles and wizards alike can order a Butterbeer Latte, Butterbeer Frappuccino, Pumpkin Juice mixture, and — perhaps most frighteningly — Polyjuice Potion Frappuccino, should their heart desire it. And fortunately for us, the magic words, per se, are no harder than "caramel syrup" and "a shot of espresso," among others.
Considering the reaction Starbucks has received on special-edition beverages in the past, like the Unicorn Frappuccino and the Midnight Mint Mocha, we must warn it is safest to approach these drinks with the same level of caution a hippogriff deserves.
The fact that Starbucks’ butterscotch latte tastes like butterbeer will never cease to make me happy.— Kyla (@_Ravenclawsome) January 18, 2018
life update: tried the butterbeer latte at starbucks. it lived up to the hype.— Lexi (@LexiFreddie) January 18, 2018