It’s been another weird week in retail.
Cats are getting more special treatment than ever (including a custom-made sofa and bed), thong jeans from last week's Amazon Fashion Week are the latest Yandy Halloween costume and Balenciaga is stepping up its expensive sneaker game.
This, and more, in this week’s Retail Therapy.
The cat in the custom-made cradle
It can be hard to keep cats off the furniture (unless it’s a robot and doesn’t have free will), but what if they had their own furniture to scratch, claw and otherwise defile? Thanks to two Japanese companies, Hiromatsu Wood Work and Tateyoshi Wood Crafts, that reality isn’t too far away.
The companies are drawing attention to the wood craft industry in Fukuoka prefecture, in southern Japan, by compiling a ‘cat furniture collection,’ which we can only assume is also a move to prove to cats everywhere that they really are superior beings.
According to Quartz, the collection features (at the moment) two feline-friendly furniture pieces — a Santa Fe sofa and a Raffine model bed — that can be custom ordered from the wood makers. According to one such craftsman — Yu Watanabe — the process isn’t that different from what he usually does. "I was also making furniture for children, I thought that for cats is also interesting," Watanabe wrote in a blog post.
Those who aren’t immediately turned off by the idea of giving their pet that much power can live secure knowing they’re supporting local Japanese craftsmen with their purchase. The furniture, while hilarious, is actually meant to promote the kind of woodworking talent the Fukuoka prefecture is home to.
And really, what better way to support local craftsmanship (and declare your idolatry for the feline world) than by ordering custom furniture for the ill-tempered authoritarian all cat owners know and love?
A seamless comeback
Lots of bad denim goes viral, but it takes a little something extra to go so viral that you incur the mockery of another oft-mocked brand.
But that’s just what happened with those oh-so-seamless thong jeans that Japanese brand Thibaut strutted down the runway at Amazon Fashion Week last week. The surprisingly bare display was picked up by Yandy.com — the brand that’s most likely to make an inappropriate costume out of whatever topic it’s given — and is now being sold back to the masses for $59.95 a pop, Teen Vogue reports.
Thong jeans now exist so let’s officially get the apocalypse rolling pic.twitter.com/V9y5eA5LsQ— Oksana Vig (@OksanaVig) October 19, 2017
Wearers of the costume are invited to "dare to bare for fashion in this exclusive Runway Thong Jeans costume featuring a nude bodysuit with long sleeves, a high neckline, a sheer bodice with a geometric design, an open back panel, a cheeky cut back and tattered blue jeans with a thong cut back, open legs and ankle cuffs." And here’s the real kicker: "Gold glasses not included."
While we could go on for days about all the bad that could come from this costume, at least for once someone managed to put a reasonable price on a bad pair of denim.
Balenciaga gets a running start in sockwear
We thought we’d reached the peak of overpriced sporting gear a few weeks ago when Swarovski started selling diamond-studded water bottles for $185, but it turns out that was just the tip of the wellness-driven iceberg.
In a reveal that will surprise no one, Balenciaga is selling "Speed Trainers" — which look a heck of a lot like slippers being passed off as running shoes — for $695, according to Quartz. While the only place these shoes are likely to get you fast is the couch, the steep price tag could give broke marathon enthusiasts with low motivation just the push they need to start taking their training seriously.
If only they weren’t sold out!
Alas, it seems that other fans of "knit sock[s]," "memory sole technology" and "very light shoe[s]" have bought out all of Balenciaga’s inventory, so fans of the best slip-on shoes since Crocs will have to wait before blowing their family’s monthly grocery budget on a pair of tennis shoes that are both less sturdy and slightly less expensive than Balenciaga’s last foray into sneaker wear.
With two overpriced tennis shoes already under the belt, Balenciaga seems determined to take every bad footwear idea and run with it.
Girls just wanna be donuts for Halloween
In a world where parents have to be wary of sending their children out looking like a sexy witch or an ill-timed "Burning Dead Zombie Child," it’s good to know that some kids are really just looking for one thing this Halloween… the permission to dress like a donut.
One mom’s viral tweet about her daughter’s choice of donut costume, reported on by Yahoo.com, brought to light an issue we would all do well to think about more often — how much kids like food costumes.
Took Layla costume shopping today and she wanted to be a donut.... a freaking donut pic.twitter.com/Ej0hK4P9hO— ✨ (@_BrittanyMoniqe) October 22, 2017
As it turns out, other parents were facing equal, if not more excitement from their own kids, who were also looking to dress up as food items — with costumes that ranged from donuts to fries to hot dogs.
Halloween may be the sweetest time of the year, but it can also be savory.
My little cousin with Doose Syndrome (a severe form of epilepsy) just wanted to be fries pic.twitter.com/VA2IWM0R5I— Ashley (@yikezitsashley) October 23, 2017
It’s okay I did the same wth my nephew and he really wanted to be a hotdog .... pic.twitter.com/1GLIGrNSHZ— Kim Possible (@alexiidanii) October 23, 2017
same lmfao pic.twitter.com/53uoYkufE6— schlong my (@iammybitch) October 23, 2017