It's been another weird week in retail. Nordstrom turned baked goods into living room accessories, Ikea invited drag queens to strut the runway and the Hawaiian shirt got a fiery upgrade.
This, and more, in this week's retail therapy.
Leave the bread on for me
Creativity requires inspiration, and anyone who has tasted gluten knows there's no better inspiration than slightly warmed bread. Nordstrom feels the same way, and as a result released two lamps born to make even the most dire of hipsters give up on their gluten-free lifestyle.
Naturally, this form of creative genius doesn't come for free — the baguette of buttery brilliance sells for $209, a mere $208 more than the genuine product, while the more reasonably-priced croissant sells for $79. Never fear, both are "coated in glossy resin" and make a "deliciously cute statement."
But don't say "bon appetit" too soon — biting into these deceptively realistic bread designs will leave you with nothing but regret and a mouth full of wire.
Baguette lamps. Let history record that the great French biotech renaissance has begun! pic.twitter.com/gxKPbUxplk— Jake Wintermute (@SynBio1) September 18, 2017
Ikea drags retailers into Pride Month
It's a good week for Sweden. The national soccer team fought their way into the second round of the World Cup over title-defender Germany, and Ikea continues to be one of the most woke retailers in marketing.
Rather than launching a Pride-related product line (or in Target's case, stealing an artist's work for a product line), the furniture retailer asked drag queens to use Ikea products to design clothing, the Drum reports. They then strutted down the runway for a "DRÄG" campaign that says much more "we care about Pride month" than "we're trying to profit off of Pride month."
The tagline of the campaign: "Be unique. Be yourself. Be proud." makes a positive statement about the LGBTQ community while playfully acknowledging that these models are, in fact, wearing shower curtains and umbrellas. These aren't cut-and-paste kids' outfits, either, they're full on pieces of art.
We called Lady Gaga — she wants her spotlight back.
IKEA out here giving us more sewing challenges than actual RuPaul's Drag Race. pic.twitter.com/imbwvL5CQb— Danny (@shckldg) June 24, 2018
Hawaiian shirts get lit … on fire
Purely because we can never have too much of a good thing, one company has made it a personal mission to give us too much of a good thing. Or, to be specific: Hawaiian shirts.
Benchmark FR, a flame resistant clothing manufacturer, has released a flame-resistant Hawaiian shirt aiming to prove that there really is a niche market for everything, according to a company press release.
While the company is targeting the product toward workers, we see a missed market in the gifting category, both for clumsy dads who enjoy grilling and middle school boyfriends who haven't gotten over their flammable hobbies phase.
Haters can rain on this Hawaiian-clad parade all they want — nothing could put out such a flaming hot trend.
Thinx wants you to have sex. Period.
They say truth is sometimes stranger than fiction, and that's kind of how we feel about Thinx's "Sex blanket for people with periods."
Reported by Adweek, the "Oyster Shell" blanket is exactly what it sounds like — a blanket made specifically for women having sex on their period. While the goal is to "smash the taboo" around period sex, with campaign slogans like "Can you handle riding this crimson wave," the product simultaneously commercializes sex — and menstruation — by charging $369.
That's not to say the product isn't worth that much — it very well could be — but female shoppers might take it better if they weren't asked to pay hundreds of dollars to mitigate problems associated with a naturally-occurring phenomenon. That is, outside of the absurdly high prices they already have to pay for tampons, pads and Midol.
But we're sure they thought of all that — after all, when's the last time a retailer's mistake was the result of not consulting enough women?
getting to take down this $400 PERIOD SEX BLANKET has truly been a bright spot in this hellish week for me https://t.co/XdPu6pgTXt— Shannon Palus (@shanpalus) June 28, 2018
Thinx is selling a “sex blanket” for $369. Dawg...if y’all don’t just lay a damn towel down. pic.twitter.com/z8LcIJetVo— Steph BMore (@StephBMore) June 26, 2018