It's been another weird week in retail. Hiroki Nakamura released a self-proclaimed "giant" jacket with an even bigger price tag, Hobby Lobby is finally stirring up more than just bad press and there's now a $600 leather bag … shaped like a bra.
This, and more, in this week's retail therapy.
The monster is in your closet — it's your jean jacket
If oversized everything is the newest fashion trend — and according to Balenciaga, it is — then this jean jacket might just be the biggest hit of the year.
Hiroki Nakamura's "SS 101 JKT Giant UNWSD Indigo" is likely the most expensive non-functional outerwear we've seen yet. First reported by High Snobiety, the jacket rings in at $6,021 and comes in only one size, either because the brand's potential buyers are masochists or because, unbeknownst to us, they were actually interested in a denim tent flap.
Either way, "giant" doesn't even begin to cover it. The model — whose comparative size makes him look like a mouse in a moose's world — is drowning in a denim tide that seems unlikely to ever recede.
In fact, in a move both disconcerting and unintentionally humorous, several of the photos look like the jacket has simply become sentient and is using the model's unknowing body to pass as human, as it stalks through the streets of New York, looking for prey.
To that end, we urge everyone to keep an eye on neighbors, friends or other acquaintances who purchase this jacket and subsequently stop attending social gatherings.
Make Hobby Lobby beautiful again
If the first thing you think when you hear "Hobby Lobby" is some combination of "stolen artifacts" and "the cat lady's favorite store," you're not alone.
But these days it's more than just illegal trade deals and questionable reasons for supporting President Donald Trump ("I didn't have a better choice") that has Hobby Lobby back in the spotlight. Indeed, for probably the first time in the retailer's history, Hobby Lobby is getting attention for how beautiful its stores can be.
Or, we should specify: how beautiful the fake flower aisle can be. According to the Bustle, the #HobbyLobbyChallenge started back in January, but the trend has recently caught fire, with aspiring photographers grabbing their camera and their most attractive friend and doing a shoot at the nearest Hobby Lobby, Michael's, AC Moore or other store that sells crafts and smells perpetually like a glue stick.
Hey, if it keeps the kids from eating tide pods, it might not be such a bad trend. What's the worst they could run into? Smuggled Iraqi artifacts?
[email protected] (@AKrCosplay) March 8, 2018
The $600 bra holding your wallet together
Bras are perhaps the most cared-for and relied-upon garments, so really it was only a matter of time before a big fashion house turned to the bra for inspiration in crafting the next overpriced accessory.
Enter, the Helmut Lang leather bra bag. Selling for just a fraction more than the last reasonably-priced iPhone, it only takes $635, plus the last shreds of your dignity, to become the proud owner of a bag with "twin rolled carry handles" and "adjustable shoulder straps," not unlike the features on an actual bra. Go figure.
However, according to Teen Vogue, the bra bag is not the only bad accessory this week, nor is it the most overpriced. No, for that award, we turn to a series of Alexander Wang headbands priced between $4,000 and $6,000. Aside from being ridiculously overpriced, they're also unsuitable for anything short of a ball and say vague things like: "After Dark," "No Smoking" and "After After Party."
Because who needs a tiara when you can buy a peacock-feather headband for the same price?
Amazon showers Kardashian baby in Prime love
In case it wasn't already clear how many different pools Amazon is dipping its toes into, the e-commerce kraken is now also sponsoring baby showers. That is, if you're Khloe Kardashian.
According to Business Insider, this is actually just a clever ploy so Amazon can get its name out there as the go-to place for everything baby-related, especially with Toys R Us now conveniently out of the picture — and it doesn't hurt that Khloe's baby registry is also on Amazon.
Now, while it's tempting to shake off Amazon sponsoring Khloe's baby shower and Toys R Us subsequently liquidating as mere coincidence, if we know anything about Amazon, it's that Jeff Bezos' monster is 100% willing to kick other retailers when they're down.
If that means shelling out top dollar so a half-adored, half-despised celebrity can fill rooms with pink balloons, pink flowers and bright pink neon signs — so be it.
If my baby shower isn’t as extra as Khloe Kardashian’s when I become a momma then bye. ????????????— els (@elliereidd_) March 10, 2018