It's been another weird week in retail. Neiman Marcus attempted to feed consumers' appetites with its new releases, Supreme dropped more products as ridiculous as consumers expected and fast-food chains continued cooking up the absurd.
This, and more, in this week's retail therapy.
Neiman Marcus' new arrivals go to the dogs
For retailers struggling with their finances, it would make sense for them to make an effort to get their act together, right? But unfortunately for them, this doesn't seem to be the case.
Forever 21 — which The Wall Street Journal reports could be heading to the bankruptcy chopping block within days — has been making nothing but missteps lately. The fast-fashion retailer has had its fair share of eyebrow-raising collections this year, everything from Cheetos, to the United States Postal Service, to a collaboration between Honda and 21 Savage. Not to mention its marketing mishap in July when it included Atkins diet bars in some customers' orders.
The trend doesn't stop there. Barneys, which filed for bankruptcy last month, had a surprising assortment of "new releases," including a puka shell necklace. Perfect for anyone looking to transport themselves all the way back to 2003.
So when we saw Neiman Marcus' meager attempts to woo consumers over with its fresh merchandise, we can't say we were surprised when it didn't deliver. CreditRiskMonitor gave the luxury department store a FRISK rating of 1, meaning it has about a 9.99% to 50% chance of filing for bankruptcy within 12 months. Don't worry, though, Neiman's on it. And by on it, we mean it decided selling a $7,100 couch that looks like a giant hot dog would somehow help trim its $4.5 billion debt load.
Neiman Marcus sells a couch that looks like a hot dog for $7,100. What a time to be alive. pic.twitter.com/NZOonDnALK— Timothy Aeppel (@TimAeppel) September 12, 2019
During a time when consumers want fast and free shipping, the $295 charge to have this wiener delivered to you isn't making matters any better. (WHAT IS GOING ON OVER THERE??)
But wait, this wasn't the only food-related fail up Neiman's sleeve. The department store is also selling an eight pound jar of rice for $75. To put that in perspective, you can get a 20-pound bag of rice AND a hot dog from Costco for about $20.
This isn't to say these retailers aren't trying to become financially healthy again. But when there's little room to fail, maybe a piece of furniture inspired by a meat log isn't what you should bet your success on?
The brand that is still supremely dumb
There are a few things in life we can count on. Death and taxes, per Benjamin Franklin, and Supreme dropping another collection of products even more ridiculous than the last.
The brand known for its overpriced, overhyped streetwear recently made available a few more oddities, including a ping pong set that it's selling for nearly $200. The set comes with two paddles and a 3-pack of balls to go with it.
However, if you're still working on your serve and aren't quite ready to make such an investment into the sport, Supreme released a couple items slightly more affordable. For the cool price of $48, consumers can get their hands on a keychain light. Sure, they hand these guys out at basically every corporate event, but it doesn't compare to the feeling you get spending $50 on a useless item.
The most affordable, and probably most practical item, is the Sticky Note tabs it's selling for $8. Priced similarly to the original product, it doesn't cost consumers much more to be the absolute worst when it comes to their school supplies.
KFC wants to help in the dating department
Over the year, KFC has proved to us that it isn't afraid to try out the unconventional when it comes to its marketing. So when we saw the fast-food chain was rolling out a video game dating simulator starring a sexy Colonel Sanders, it didn't even faze us.
The rumors are true, we are making a game where you can date Colonel Sanders. Give us a few weeks... we're still coding some chicken. Available Sept. 24th on Steam.— KFC (@kfc) September 11, 2019
The game dubbed "I Love You, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin' Good Dating Simulator," will be released Sept. 24. It was developed by Psyop and follows the journey of a young culinary student studying under Colonel Sanders, both of whom are looking for love, Marketing Dive reports. If that's not the creepiest plot for a video game, then we don't know what is.
However, this isn't the first time the fast-food chicken joint pushed the boundaries on its marketing. Other weird KFC things include the brand's sexy Mother's Day video and the bearskin-inspired Colonel Sanders rug. And while some of us might be over the "sexy" Colonel Sanders bit, we somehow don't think this will be the last absurd marketing scheme from KFC.
For the most stylish commute
DKNY teamed up with the MTA for a limited-edition capsule announced earlier this month. It includes classic DKNY styles, Women's Wear Daily reports, including shirt dresses, nylon joggers and hooded sweater dresses ($89-$379). The items appropriately include things like "No Parking" signs on them. Consumers can snatch up these items while they're still around on DKNY's website, U.S. outlet stores, international stores and select Macy's locations.
50,000 DKNY-branded MetroCards distributed across select subway stations starting Sept. 9. Among these stations are Herald Square, Union Square, Houston Street & both Halsey Street stations. #metrocard #nyfw #nyc #subway #mta #metrocardcollectors pic.twitter.com/wmJmfbVva0— MetroCard Collectors (@nycmetrocard) September 8, 2019
But for those looking for a taste of the designers without the designer price, MTA is pushing out 50,000 DKNY-branded New York subway cards at the Herald Square, Union Square, Houston Street and both Halsey Street locations. Truly riding in style.