It's been another weird week in retail.
Grocery shoppers in France went nuts over $1 Nutella, Bill Murray is bringing back bell bottoms with his own personal golf line and Gap is charging $200 for sweatshirts that look like your T-shirt drawer ran into a sewing machine.
This, and more, in this week's Retail Therapy.
No Nutella, no peace
The best things in life are worth fighting for — and there's no doubt on anyone's mind that Nutella tops that list.
French shoppers at the Intermarché chain took that to the next level last week, when riots broke out in the grocery chain because — wait for it — the Nutella was on sale. According to Fortune, the heavenly containers of chocolatey goodness were a whopping 70% off, selling at $1.76 a pop, and shoppers were not shy about scooping up whole armfulls of the world's best condiment for the world's best price.
In fact, it probably would have turned out better if shoppers were a little less enthusiastic about the discount, which caused "riot scenes everywhere." And a Nutella riot, it turns out, is not just a group of people getting together to speak loudly and enthusiastically about what a great hazelnut spread they've found.
It is, in fact, a full-on brawl, filled with punching, hair-pulling and bloody hands, because let's be honest — that mom in aisle 5 isn't walking away with more Nutella jars than anyone else.
After Nutella causes riots in France, police confirm multiple chocolate-related injuries - or a lot of pain au chocolat.— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) January 26, 2018
Omg. I just discovered a HALO TOP SALE, and can no longer judge the French for being feral over cheap Nutella pic.twitter.com/n9SetlDc4a— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) February 1, 2018
Saved by the bell bottoms
It's Groundhog Day and we all know what that means — Bill Murray is going to be reliving the same day over and over again until we press pause to go grab the popcorn.
But this year, it seems Murray is also making us relive our worst fashion mishaps, with the Feb. 8 release of "Bill Bottoms," according to a press release emailed to Retail Dive. The pants, which are exactly what they sound like — bell bottoms with a Bill Murray-inspired flare to them — will be sold on Betabrand for an as-yet undisclosed amount.
Possible designs include "Big Earner," "Lucy the Caboosie" and "Wavy Gravy," although comments suggesting a gopher print are going on 7. And, in a surprising turn of events, these pants are designed to be worn out on the golf course, not the dance floor, because nothing says "I'm serious about the game" more than a man confidently sporting a pair of patterned pants.
It's just a theory, but we like to think the company thought long and hard about naming the line "What about bell bottoms?"
Gap remixes high-price fashion
At this point, we know overpriced fashion like the back of our hand, and one thing we don't generally see is a $200 price tag and a "Gap" label.
In a move that says "we just want our brand to be relevant," Gap has started selling one-of-a-kind T-shirts and sweatshirts made from the remnants of older designs, Business Insider reports, which feels a lot like the time Frankenstein tried to create life out of the dead body parts of his professor.
Except unlike Frankenstein, where the only cost was integrity, Gap is charging upwards of $100 for sweatshirts that are just as strangely mismatched, if not more. And why spend $198 on a pullover that looks like a quilting project gone wrong when Asos has a $30 hot dog blanket that will make you just as unlikely to head out in public?
But hey — we all have gaps in our thought process.
Speak of Google, and Amazon shall appear
In what's becoming somewhat of a trend for Amazon's "high school bully" persona, the company is now rejecting Alexa skills if they mention the word "Google," TechCrunch reports.
Some might say it's just a by-product of the competition between the two tech giants, but we know better. After all, we've seen this film before: Someone's least-favorite person in class has ticked them off again and then their friend has the audacity to speak their name aloud, so, rather than handling the situation like an adult, our friend responds with an infuriated, "don't say that name in front of me."
Amazon is that friend. "It's somewhat telling that Amazon's rejection was not because the skill was offering the incorrect exit phrase, because it would have led to user confusion, or because it violated some sort of developer guidelines … It was banned for reminding Alexa users about Google Home," TechCrunch writes. "And that's just not allowed."
OK Google — how do I stop Amazon from being petty?